On Saturday morning I led the Meditation Gathering for my current Workshop for living. We chose some point in our childhood at which to attend to ourselves with loving care, and oh, that was such sweetness. I chose this little bundle of vulnerability and sass:
I have no idea why that photo came to mind! Meditation is so fascinating. I have no story to go with that image. It's just me as a toddler, and when I thought about where in my child to connect with myself, that image came to mind. I gazed upon her in my mind's eye and adored her, held her in my arms and cherished her and wished her well.
Next I invited everyone to imagine a far future self, one who had lived perhaps hundreds of years, in body or in spirit, and that this very old and wise self was looking back at us-right-now with infinite compassion. They know everything. They’ve been here, lived it and lived beyond it. I invited each of us to bask in the tremendous compassion of this brimming-with-love ancient self.
Inside of myself, I did this too. She was giant-sized, this ancient me, and just standing there beaming at me gently. I immediately said, without realizing I was going to – it just popped out in the moment – "Look at this! Look at this time that I am in! The fascism! The horrors!" She smiled tenderly, sadly, and held me in her arms. At first I was like a little doll compared to her and then she was there, a person like me but a little taller, wrapping me in her arms. "I know," she said, "I know. It's terrible." There was so much compassion in her voice. It was a comfort to be held by her, to be seen in this. Then she leaned her head in even closer and whispered in my ear, without any judgement – she was me is me has been me; she knew everything! She simply said, with great clarity and compassion, not as a correction but as the delivery of an important message, "You have to fight harder."
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I've been astonished and pleased to find that I've been able to stay awake and steady so far during this time. I'm not turtling. I'm not crumbling. I am experiencing the horrors afoot as profoundly clarifying: I'm attending to my living in my personal sphere with gusto, love, and sound priorities. I'm happy about this. What I was able to tell myself in this meditation, however, was that in our shared national life, I'm not satisfied with how much I'm stepping up.
At the end of each meditation I invite folks to look back over their experience, to reflect on if there is anything they wish to carry forward. I reflected there upon how to act on the message I'd received from myself. I developed a plan. After the session, I shared my plan with friends to help me follow through on it.
I'd like to invite you to step up, too, in following through on your best intentions. I hear people saying, constantly, "Gosh, this is awful, but there is nothing I can do about it." I'm familiar with this; it's what I told myself when I was living in Mexico during this man's last presidency – that there was nothing I could do from there. This wasn't true, but it did give me a get-out-of-trying card in my mind, "I don't have to try because it won't matter". Rebecca Solnit, in Hope in the Dark, says this eloquently: "Despair demands less of us, it's more predictable, and in a sad way safer." It's hard to try and not succeed. It's hard to look our disappointment and fear right in the face. And will me, personally, doing or not doing something, make a difference? Well, no and yes. Singular me, today, no. But the vast numbers that can make a difference are made of nothing but individuals! We have to act individually to build collective action. This is what I want to be a part of. I want to try. I want to belong to the effort to make a difference. I am telling you this in hopes that you do, too.
There is massive resistance taking place all over in countless ways. Terrible things are happening AND terrible things are being stopped. People are fighting in courtrooms and classrooms and sidewalks, with letters and phone calls and marches and public art. They're confronting ICE and gathering outside detention centers. They are putting their bodies in front of immigrant neighbors, friends, coworkers. It is making a difference. We are protecting individuals, communities, trees, forests, rights.
I've marched and written and called, but I haven't been steady with those things, and the call I feel from myself is to be consistent, determined, steadfast. My plan is: I'll begin by following Jess Craven's suggested actions from her daily Substack Chop Wood, Carry Water. I've identified a time in my schedule where I can give 15 minutes to this each weekday. That time is after the close of standard business hours so that social anxiety about the phone is not an issue. I created a daily task item on my calendar at this time so it is recorded with my important commitments. I reached out to friends who I know have strong intentions in this direction to see if they'd be up for being accountability/inspiration buddies with me because group support works well for me in making committed lifestyle changes. I've gotten two nos and one yes so far. I'll keep going. My intention is to connect with a couple of friends, each individually for daily YES I DID IT and GO YOU YOU DID IT messages. I'll keep asking until I get a couple of yesses. I'm going to suggest to those friends that they connect with a couple of friends individually, and ask them to ask their friends... so that we can build a chain. A little tide amidst all of this storm. A bulwark which helps us hold true to our intentions and values.
I followed through with yesterday as my first day of action. I'm underway.
I want to weave resistance to evil into my daily living as solidly as I have woven care for myself and others into it. I want to be able to look that wise, ancient me in the eye with a clear heart. I know who I have, all of my life, respected and identified with when I look at people who endured evil seasons in the past: those who resisted. It isn't enough to identify in my heart as someone who does not agree with evil; I need to take steadfast action against it.
I hope you will, too. If you already are, I'd love to hear about what you are doing, in any form, large or small. If you are inspired by this to join me, I'd love to hear that! I bet you have a friend who'd be excited to buddy up to maintain this determination, too.
Resources
Resilience Over Time
One of my morning rituals is setting out the nourishing things that support my body over the course of a day: digestive enzymes, herbs, vitamins. Nowadays there is also a small dish of prunes, because of this study, which shows that 50 grams of prunes a day – that's about 6 sweet little dried plums! – prevent bone loss in postmenopausal women. The theory of the mechanism is that "they contain bioactive compounds like polyphenols that may blunt the inflammatory pathways that lead to bone loss."
Resilience in Relationship
Lauren Larusso is an expert in infidelity. She works with all people who may be involved in these tender situations, with resources on her website for the betrayed spouse, the unfaithful spouse, and the affair partner. She has a strong social media presence on Instagram and TikTok, which is where the person who pointed me toward her work found her. She explains how being in an affair triggers the same brain pathways as gambling and addictive substance use. This has been a great tool of understanding for someone I support who is working on stepping out of these patterns. Thanks to you.
Yet Another New Body System
In recent years our science has discovered the interstitium, a network of fluid-filled spaces inside the fascia that surrounds and supports all of the body's tissues and organs, and come to understand more clearly the ways that the gut produces essential neurotransmitters. We know so much about our bodies and the world that we tend to assume we know all the things, but there is still so much mystery! Another recent discovery is the glymphatic system of waste-clearance pathways in the brain. Thanks to Sarah.
Resistance
If the news that resistance is active and our current federal administration's efforts are frequently foiled was a surprise to you, you may wish to check out Jess Craven whose Sunday newsletter is a roundup of good news and what has failed, or historian Amanda Nelson who rounds up "Ls for the week" on Tuesdays in Amanda's Mild Takes.
If you'd like to take up more actions of resistance, I gave a lot of links up above today! And I would be over the moon to hear what you are up to that feels like resistance on any level.
Supporting Me in Supporting You
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