Beloved friends,
Workshops for Living are where I teach skills for meditation and life. They used to be called Home Meditation Courses but grew too big for that title. One components of the workshops is a Sharing Circle where each week a couple of people write to share experience, ask questions, and be seen by the community in this moment of their living. I write each person a reply with loving reflection, teaching, advice, and encouragement. Everyone gets to read both sides of the conversation. This week someone pointed to a powerful moment of synchronicity and did me the great honor of asking my opinion on a question that they named as unanswerable. The crux of the question was: Do I believe that the events of our lives are intended by something greater? Here is my answer:
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I muse intensively on the fact that science says linearity is not the nature of time. How can this be? My hair is growing. The remains of a tear of joy I shed a few moments ago are drying under the outer corner of my left eye, and I can feel it getting crunchy. I am watching the time so that I can drive out to the beach at low tide to forage seaweed, and the dance of the Earth, sun, and moon is pulling the watery bulge of the planet to make those tides. Also… time is not linear?! HOW?!
And: Maybe there are many universes? And this universe and the human brain have such similar structures that it’s been studied scientifically? What even is existence?! There is a new theory that our entire universe might be inside of a black hole. WHAT EVEN IS EXISTENCE?!
I like to think back, too: can you imagine what it must have been like for people to learn about germs? Or evolution? We, too, are living in moments in which such discoveries are being made; they just feel normal because we’re making breakfast and paying our taxes and we haven't absorbed the impact of the discoveries culturally yet.
When I call myself Priestess of the Mystery, I truly mean it: I aim to worship the mystery that is life, and to invite you to share with me that awe and devotion. There is so much more to be gained from wonder than absolute certainty, and there is so much to wonder at.
The way that you have asked this question, “foreknown by some great power”, “premeditated”, and “something the wiser” implies a wider order to existence, an omniscient witness to existence, and deliberate action on the part of that witness. My truest answer is: I do not know, refuse to pretend I know, and OH, I LOVE TO WONDER.
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Your question implies a divinity. I do not currently feel resonance with the idea of a being which is separate from and controlling this universe. I have spent decades cultivating belief in nondualism and do not feel called to dualism, in which matter and spirit are separate. My faith in mystery is deeper than my certainty about unity, so I am willing to be surprised, but my personal sense is of unity. This does not mean that I am an atheist. I am agnostic, with great joy and fervor! I truly believe it is all unknowable, certainly to us-now, and very likely to little ape brains entirely, as amazing as they are.
When I reach toward the sense of divinity where it resonates for me, I have experience on two levels. One is on a smaller scale: relationship to place and life that feels intimate in surprising ways; for instance, the sense that a place knows me. Is that of-divinity? Many of the oldest faiths would say yes: that there are spirits of land and other creatures which are divine and know us. What do I mean when I say spirit? I mean that the land is… someone, in some way. Animism feels like home to me; though my rational parts don't always agree with it, it certainly makes for a very kind world. On the larger scale, the “God made man in his image and the universe for him” that I was raised with does not resonate for me now. What does is in the direction of, “This whole singing cosmos that we live in, all that is… maybe… someone?!?!?!?!” in a way that I can barely comprehend. THAT is what divinity feels like to me. It’s absolutely staggering; truly incomprehensible.
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I wish to be clear that I do not think that my current ideas are correct. They are merely ideas I am having now. I’ve been me long enough to know that my ideas will evolve. I’ve been me long enough to know that tender, present curiosity serves me better than false certainty. I am a strange thing; a spiritual teacher who does not say, “Here is what existence is.” I am a spiritual teacher who says, “Friend, would you like to gaze at the stars with me and wonder?” I am a spiritual teacher who says: “WHAT THE ACTUAL WHAT? Y’ALL GOT ANY IDEAS?!?!?” I wonder. I wonder so hard about so much. My wonder is an act of devotion and it fuels the love I feel in every fiber of my being for the cosmos, and the trust I feel in the mystery.
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In terms of the patterns that you asked of: I observe that there are glorious synchronicities in our living which seem too implausible to be accidental. I have experienced and heard many people's stories of things which do not fit our consensus reality story of what all-of-this is. I do not have a different story to offer; I am just one fancy little ape like any other human. I am enthralled by the processes of science and mysticism as we use them to explore this reality. I also know that the human brain loves pattern and meaning and lays it on all sorts of things. I do not know how much of that pattern and meaning is imagined and how much is real, or, sometimes, what the difference is. I wonder.
As a devotee of mystery, my way is to notice moments like the one which you are in and to adore them, like finding a perfect seashell or strawberry: LOOK AT THIS INCREDIBLE MOMENT! HOW DID IT GET SO BEAUTIFUL?!
We can consider the ways, and this is a wonderful task. The threads of your family’s story over historic time and all the wonders that led to you becoming you here now. The initial pull that led you to go try your friend’s friend’s yoga teacher’s class. What kept you returning over the decades of study and friendship which we have woven. All of the threads of your professional life and education. The national moment. The little moment of the question I asked you about dates, and the surprise of how meaningful that date has become in the ripening of time. Wow! It is an absolutely beautiful strawberry, this moment in your living.
That feeling that everything in your living has come about to result in this moment – that's true of EVERY FREAKING MOMENT. All of them! And yet sometimes it stuns us. I hear you in that rapturous state where it all feels meant, where you feel seen, cared for, provided for by life itself. I encourage you to enjoy it. Is there harm to be found in feeling loved and provided for by mysterious vastness? I can’t see any. So let yourself feel cared for by the universe or the divine as you know that. Give thanks to life and to whatever or whoever feels right to you. Giving thanks is a powerful and precious act.
May your path continue to unfold with such beauty that it makes you wonder about the nature of reality, darling. I’m off to stomp around in the low tide, gathering seaweed which I will eat and turn into this human being.
HOLY STARS.
Love,
Dahlia
Resources
In Joy
I was tickled to learn recently that there is a name for when quadrupeds, especially gazelles and springboks, jump for joy. It's called pronking; also pronging and stotting. Each of these words fills me with delight, as does this little clip of David Attenborough describing it while it occurs. Thanks to Calah
Imperfectionism
Blackbird Spyplane is a fashion blog that focuses on slow fashion, travel, and culture, and I loved learning of Dutch designer Camiel Fortgens from them. "He studied as an industrial designer at the Design Academy Eindhoven in his native Netherlands, but when he graduated, in 2014, he decided to make garments. Since he lacked any training whatsoever in patternmaking, they kept on turning out f**ked up, despite his best efforts. With time, these mistakes stopped annoying him and started intriguing him. He decided to embrace them, explore their possibilities, and turn them into his own mutant design language of uneven shapes, fraying edges, plackets that refuse to sit straight, and so on." Full interview. His slightly irregular knitwear collection; there are lots of other styles. This isn't quite my style of dress, but the embrace of irregularity makes my heart sing!
Giving
Each season I donate 5% of my income to charity as a personal tithe. Most often I give to organizations that support the wellbeing of People of the Global Majority, but this season what felt most pressing was fighting the rise of fascism in the United States. A friend shared that she had been volunteering with NWAAF, Northwest Abortion Access Fund, which serves Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Alaska, offering advice, covering the cost of care, and assisting with travel arrangements. My friend particularly noted that she was impressed by NWAAF's reproductive justice ethos and their racial and gender sensitivity. I love the complex intersectionality afoot here, since access to care is a class issue as well, and I-and-we-if-you-have-paid-me have given warmly. Thanks to Naya
Timelessness
The first mangos will ripen in a few weeks, and I've been saving for this season a 700 years old poem by Indo-Persian Sufi poet Amir Kushrow (1253-1325). I regret that the translator was not credited.
He visits my town once a year.
He fills my mouth with kisses and nectar
I spent all my money on him.
Who, girl, your man?
No, a mango
Resistance
Sustenance
I have mentioned it before but I am finding so much joy in it that I'm going to repeat: Jessica Craven's newsletter Chop Wood Carry Water offers daily actions. Even if you don't want that, I cannot warmly enough suggest subscribing so that you can read her Sunday posts, which consist of dozens of good news items from the week. One week I counted and it was 60 items. I often read it on Monday mornings to boost myself for the week ahead.
Beheading the Dragons
Brittany Viklund's "How I Broke Up With Amazon: A Practical Guide" is full of excellent resources for folks looking to avoid giving more money to the already-too-powerful. Thanks to Cup of Jo
Singing in the Streets
Rebecca Solnit is such a light right now! Here is the text of the speech she gave at SF's Hands Off march on April 5 with photographs of marches from all over the country. So good. Sorry you missed it? There's another set of marches April 19!
Last week I asked for folks to consider becoming paying subscribers. Four people did so. Thank you deeply, friends. This newsletter began as uplifting messages I wrote while living at sea during the early pandemic. It's become a beloved tradition in the ensuing years, but the half-day time investment is harder to sustain now that I have returned to living in a house, which requires working full time. Having you choose to support my writing means the world to me. I'm earning about $5/hour for this endeavor now. Every little bit helps.
