Following the Longing

Beloved friends,

Last week I promised that I would say more about how we turn the patterns of our lives at the turning of the year. I'm going to carry on with that. I'm also going to speak to this moment in the world; you'll find that in the Resistance section.

Every January, people who practice yoga with me return from the holy seasonal turning-of-the-light break and say either "I was good and practiced!" or "UGH, I didn't practice and I feel awful!" Both of these hold judgment. I am not a fan of judgment. My core spiritual value is unconditional love. And, having spent 30 years supporting people in the cultivation of life-affirming habits, I find judgment counterproductive to the goals people come to practice with. Thinking that you suck is often not a great motivator for this kind of goal. Noticing that you feel worse when you don't do something you aim for can affirm the habit of doing it, though, and can be a great motivator. As the friend who I quoted last week said, "I can follow my longing back to that!" (If you're a new reader, welcome! The prior issues of this newsletter are all on my site if you'd like more reading.)

I have loved watching people's eyes go wide this week when I say: I usually don't practice over the winter holiday break. Don't get on my mat, don't get on my rower, don't pull on my sneakers and run. I find it healthful to let my body have a deep rest. I also find it valuable to set down all of those practices in order to see, by contrast, the effect they are having on my body. What's my baseline state? There are other things I do over the winter holidays that are pure pleasure and indulgence: I drink coffee every day, alcohol most days, a lot of cannabis. At the end of the holiday season this year I felt like I was mostly made of cheese, candy canes, and eggnog.

I didn't actually make it through the last weekend of the holidays in decadent mode; I drove to town on an urgent run for green vegetables, heh! And that's just the point: this season helps me to long for my usual choices and my healthful aspirations. It reminds me why I choose them. It affirms my path. If I call myself bad for doing this, then I feel badly about the pleasure. Instead, I choose to see these as natural seasonal tides, understanding that for me and my nature, some indulgence supports my usual care, goes hand in hand with that.

When January came this year, I was delighted to find that I did not feel a need to make a list of the changes I'd be making. I didn't, as I have for much of the last decade, round up friends to join me in my seasonal reset. I simply made the turnings that have now become my habit here. I welcomed January with gusto. I know what it entails: no alcohol, cannabis, or caffeine. A few weeks of my most-healthy eating to balance my most indulgent eating.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali say, "Sa Tu Dirgha Kala Nairantarya Satkarasevito Drdhabhumih: Practice becomes firmly grounded (second nature) when well-attended to for a long time, without interruption, and in all earnestness." It was a wonderful thing to find that the practice of a highly healthful January has become just as much a part of my celebration of the turning of the light as an indulgent December is.

All of this follows my deepest longings: to feel well, to be happy, to live as long as I can as well as I can. I wonder what you long for? I wonder where it is guiding you? If you'd like to connect for support, last week's newsletter describes a lot of the ways I offer that.

One of those ways is something I tend to describe as "spiritual counsel". Yesterday someone asked me what that meant. They'd scheduled an hour with me and we were talking at the start of that about what we might share. I explained that spiritual counsel is heartfelt conversation, usually about something meaningful in your life that you are considering. Unlike a therapist, I don't have to follow norms that lead me to shield my personality, so it's heartfelt conversation in which I bring all that I am: me as a person, with my own experience of living and all that I've learned from a lifetime of spiritual study and 30 years of supporting people in their living, entirely in support of you in this moment of your life. My friend shared the crossroads at which they were finding themselves in their living, and we discussed different options that might be useful: in healthcare, in therapeutic support, in community resources, and some things that they themselves might do to sift and clarify their mind and heart.

I do a lot of this kind of conversation in my Workshops for Living. These began as meditation courses, but over time it became clear that the true work of these events was simply considering how best to be human, each and together. Meditation is still there; it's the heart of the work, but conversation, contemplation, and community connection are crucial as well. I currently aim to offer three of these a year, and I'm telling you this because the next one begins on January 17th. I've realized since scheduling that date that lots of folks will be traveling since that's a long weekend, so I'll be planning with that in mind. It'll be a gentle start, so that there won't be any sense of loss if your first time present is the second Gathering. Also, all the sessions are recorded so you can enjoy them when you can.

We're going to explore Cosmic Grounding, by which I mean: having an active sense of connection with the life of the universe. Knowing yourself as a part of the life of the universe. When we know, profoundly, that we belong to all-that-is, it may be easier to know that we are infinitely dear. That we are ever connected to the life of the universe and to one another. Living in this light can cut the fog of fear and divisiveness afoot in the world. Together we'll cultivate innerdepedance, independance, and interdepence. mundane and transformational.

If you've been curious about these workshops, the start of a year is a particularly sweet place to join! I tend to have a theme for each year. The years flow together; there are people who have shared this work with me for many years, and it's all connected and ever-growing. There are new people who join all the time; if a workshop is open, you can join! The start of a yearly theme is just a particularly nice spot: you're in the mode of refreshment and turning; we're taking on a new theme. It all weaves together. If you have questions, I'd love to discuss! You're welcome to schedule a free 15 minute session with me to chat by Zoom, or you can just reply to this email.

Cosmic grounding is an everpresent practice for me, and I have been bathing more deeply in it in preparation for teaching on the topic. Did you know that NASA scientists have come to believe that the Milky Way, which is moving through space at 600 kilometers an hour, FLAPS? The entire galaxy is rippling as we move together! Goodness.

I find that zooming out in this way, to the vastness of existence, makes much of what is hard in the world seem small. I belong to the vastness. I am that, taking this human form for a time, to know the universe, to live, to play. This makes the difficult parts of now easier to tolerate, and puts awe, joy, and connection ever at my fingertips.

I'd love to share it with you.

Resources

Daily Inspiration, Together
Many years ago now, my mother-in-love gave me what was then called the Little Zen Calendar in my Christmas stocking, one of those page-a-day calendars. I have purchased it every year since. James and I read it aloud to one another and contemplate it daily. We save our favorites, tape them to a wall, and muse them over years. If you come to our home, you can find them gently accumulating on the bulletin board in the temple, on the side of the fridge, and on the inside of the pantry door. We also treat it like as a house oracle of sorts; this, for instance, is the day we first viewed the house where we live when we were looking for a home in the Pacific Northwest after some years on our boat in Mexico:

Over the years I've grown fond of recommending this resource to others; it's so much fun when friends have it and we can discuss the words that are particularly meaningful for us. If you'd like to join me, I'd love to share this with you!

On Love
I recently read an article about couples who have been married for decades. As a long-married person myself, I appreciated it, but I wish here to invite expanded thinking upon it, too. How we love and relate to someone informs how we can love and relate to everyone. And in this time in the world, we can either withdraw or reach out. I've heard a lot of people this week saying they feel they can't speak about their pain for fear of spreading it. It concerns me when we stop sharing. Ending up alone with our pain is not a better way. We just need to learn how to take care with how we connect and share upon tender topics.

Each of us has our own constellation of valued relationships. Close friendships often outlast marriages. Family relationships are often lifelong. Neighbors move with us through however many seasons of life we live side by side. Online communities of affinity can be lifesavers. 12 step communities have saved countless lives. So while this article is people speaking of marriage, I find it interesting to consider how we can expand any knowing of love to all our other forms of love and relating.

“Once we were together, we just stayed together,” she added, “falling in love with each other over and over. In every couple’s life, there are going to be tribulations; there are going to be triumphs, successes, debacles of all kinds. That is the price we pay for living a lovely, fabulous life. We had our own world, and so we could define how we would operate within our own world, where we actually had power.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff; it can be managed,” Ms. Singleton told him. “The important thing is integrity. We agreed early on to respect each other, particularly in public. It’s just the normal way to behave toward someone you love.”

If you'd like to read more, here's a gift link.

Nourishing the Heart
The poem I've been reading in my sessions this week is, as is so often the case, by Mary Oliver, from her book Red Bird. It is useful, in understanding Mary in this poem, to know that she had a profoundly abusive childhood, so she spent as much time as possible outdoors, where she was safe. All her life she preferred to be outdoors. She rose early and walked every day, notebook in hand, which is how she did most of her writing. I'm noticing, too, that the word citizen, rare in Mary's body of work, resonates differently now for me than it has in the past. May this bring you solace and inspiration, beloved one.

Mornings at Blackwater

For years, every morning, I drank
from Blackwater pond.
It was flavored with oak leaves and also, no doubt,
the feet of ducks.

And always it assuaged me
from the dry bowl of the very far past.

What I want to say is
that the past is the past,
and the present is what your life is,
and you are capable
of choosing what that will be,
darling citizen.

So come to the pond,
or the river of your imagination,
or the harbor of your longing,

and put your lips to the world.
And live
your life.

A Little Gift

If you came to practice at the Little Temple in my home, I would offer you a handout with the closing prayer on it. James recently designed a beautiful version. The image is of Mount Baker, also called Komo Kulshan (The Great White Watcher), one of the mountains we are blessed with the sight of. If you'd like a copy of this, drop me a line with your address and I'll pop one in the mail for you! If you'd like me to hold onto your address for future mailings – I have thoughts in that direction! – be sure to say so; otherwise I'll discard it. I respect your privacy. Yeah, I know I could just give you the pdf. I'm offering to mail it because I find meaning in printing it, cutting it, putting it in envelope, and walking 3/4 of a mile to the mailbox to send it to you, and I hope that you will find meaning, too, in having something that I made and touched and sent to you by hand, because love.

Resistance

My offer of resistance to you this week is the practice of love. I wrote the following words on January 8th, yesterday as I wrote, and it's been shared onward more than anything that I've written since the early days of the pandemic. As of this morning, 5,000 people have read it, which is pretty staggering to me. This gives me the sense that it has value, so I share those words here as well.

I'm hearing that there is a TikTok trend today of MAGA folks renouncing the movement after ICE's murder Renee Nicole Good. If that's you, beloved one, if you have been in the MAGA world, or near it, and this event is waking you up: I'm here. I will not judge you. I will welcome you with open arms and love.

I'm hearing, too, that a lot of these "I'm out of MAGA" kind of posts are being met with rage: "You voted for him, eff you." I know that it is hard to let go of the pain and rage of all this, friends, but we are going to need every hand we can get to pull the world back to a place where order and justice are the rule rather than fear and greed. And it's on us who are there to welcome the willing and the curious. If your loved ones are showing doubt or waking up, this is not the time to punish them for their errors. This is the time to show them what we wish for: a world based in caring. In due time we can talk about what hurt and why. But first, if they get a hand up out of the water, throw them a line. Pull them to safety. Or point them to someone who's in a place to be able to do so. If this is hard, it can help to think of MAGA as a cult. If your loved one wants out of the cult, oh, please, welcome them back.

Rage for rage doesn't heal us. Love will. Love is not weakness; it is infinite strength. Acting from love is acting from power.

-

In the discussion of my words, some outstanding-sounding books were suggested as resources for the rightfully complex feelings many of us have about bringing love, care, and compassion to people who have shown a lack of these very qualities themselves, and who in doing so have helped to bring about events we are struggling with.

I would like to add, if you are struggling with that yourself, the gentle suggestion that treating people in the way that you are outraged at them for treating others, while our rage and pain may love this idea, will not bring us the just and caring future we hope for. And it is, alas, on the hearts and shoulders of we who have access to love to offer that to those who have been ensnared by the lies of those operating from their fear, greed, and wounding. If we wish to see a kinder world, it has to begin with us.

Love is the way. Love is always the way.

Thanks to Karrie

Thanks to Janie

I'll have more to say on active resistance next week. In the meantime, a few great resources are: Indivisible for local and national organizing; they'll have news about national protests about our coup of Venezuela and the murders by ICE and CBP this week. Jess Craven's Chop Wood Carry Water is one of my go-to's for daily action. I've had folks mention that they find it too much to read – I don't usually read her conversation, frankly; I skip to her suggested daily actions to inform me in choosing my own.

If the news is paining you, What the Fuck Just Happened Today, which calls itself "a political newsletter for normal people" gives a single-sentence summary of the day's events with a focus on the actions of the US executive branch, and it's a gentler way to be informed on US events. I'm a subscriber to the NYT and WaPo but ugh, they are bending the knee too hard! BBC has been better. I always love to hear where you read not-kowtowing news if you want to share!

Making This Happen

This is entirely human work. My work. I do it all by hand, with my own mind and heart; I do not use AI in the creation of what I offer you. I don't have one. I invest at least half a day every week in the creation of this newsletter. It's a labor of love; I earned more when I worked at McDonald's as a kid. I do it because it is important to me, because I hear that it's important to you, and in hopes that it will grow and support me so I can keep supporting you.

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